Glad its Wednesday.

Wish it was Thursday. I woke up in not the best mood today, maybe because I didn’t get that great of sleep, or maybe because when I woke up I thought of all the things that are on my agenda. Yesterday I started feeling a little overwhelmed with all the reading I have to do. I have to finish In Cold Blood by Monday which is 343 pages, but it’s a true murder story so at least it’s super interesting. And then my teacher yesterday assigned her next book which I have to have a certain chunk read by Tuesday, plus all these things for my internship and yadda yadda. It’s only week three and I feel like I want to make it all stop.

I’m also becoming less happy living in my apartment. Me, and two of the girls are doing great and I really enjoy spending time with them, but we are increasingly becoming more and more pissed at our other roommate because she basically has her girlfriend living here. She had mail sent here, I overheard her say to her friend that she was living here too, and it pisses me off when I hear her sneak into the bathroom after she knows Maks has left.It’d be different if this girl was friendly to us and made conversation when she was here, but she doesn’t say anything. I used to make convo with her, but I’ve basically stopped because I don’t really like the way she’s just doing as she pleases here.

Why don’t we just talk to her about all this you ask? It’s a long story but they have stuff against us for smoking and they don’t smoke. I feel pretty strongly that they’ve had something to do with our apartment getting caught with weed before, and I wouldn’t put it past them to do something else about it if they knew we were smoking again, which we aren’t bc there’s been too many close calls now.

I should be living in a place where I feel like I can trust everyone I share my space with and I don’t. I don’t want some random fucking girl hanging out in my apartment alone when I’m not here, or when one of my other roommates should be able to enjoy the place to themselves. I should be able to do what I want in my house without feeling like I have to watch my back because some ***hole is probably going to tattle on me.

I still think we have a great apartment and I love living in the city, but I’m tired of dealing with this when I have so much school stuff to worry about. I’d rather live in my parents house where everyone cleans and I feel like I can do more than here.  At least there’s only 3 more months and I know when I move out, all this stuff happening here won’t even matter to me anymore.

I haven’t been too active on Tumblr lately.

I still love it just as much and find it just as entertaining, but I feel sort of swamped with my schedule this semester. Not in a way that I already feel like I’m drowning (it’s only been 2 weeks), but I have two more things added on than I did last semester: an extra class and internship. But luckily some of my classes don’t have as much work throughout the week and less reading, but DAYUM do I have a lot of reading to do.

I pretty much tried to remind myself every day that I knew I was going to be getting into something that required a lot of reading & writing so I’m not blindsided. The stuff we’re reading is at least interesting & somewhat fresh, not stuff that makes my head bleed and eyes roll back in my head.

I’m pretty excited my internship got changed to Wednesday instead of Fridays because now I have Friday’s off! I can spend the whole day doing whatever I want and getting other little errrands done. Like grocery shopping and then my hair, & then when 6:00 rolls around I’ll leave to meet Danny at the train station. We’re going on an adventurous barcrawl in Bucktown tonight, I’m pretty excited. My roommate wants us to go out clubbing, but we really want to go to the bars because I haven’t really checked out any. It’s also going to be freezing and I’d be wanting to show lots of leg, so I just wouldn’t enjoy that.

Okay I’m done ranting for now, I’ll try and keep up with my blog more so it doesn’t get totally boring. Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

BTW-How come I did not know A Day to Remember was going to be playing at the UIC pavilion tonight? That’s like….fifteen minutes away.

8

So a little bit ago I was in the kitchen with my dad and he had it on a channel where a press conference was being held and women were giving speeches about politics.  One women in particular was giving her view of being pro-life and talking a lot of shit about Planned Parenthood.  It annoyed me because I think people that try to talk down about Planned Parenthood, especially people involved with politics, have never been inside of one themselves.

Abortion is not the only service that P.P provides and they actually are a real doctors office and have REAL doctors working there.  They make you get an exam done your first visit, they provide free STD and AIDS testing, and they make their patients comfortable.  They make it possible for women to get birth control for free by getting their Healthy Women’s Insurance card if you can prove by showing your paycheck stub that you make under a certain amount of money a month. I myself, get my birth control for free because I meet all the requirements for their insurance and thanks to that, I’ve saved a lot of money and kept myself from popping one out the oven too soon.  I’ve been able to get free testing done which gave me great comfort.  The women that work there are extremely nice and make you feel comfortable and like you can ask them anything.

It annoys me that every time I go in there, there’s protestors standing outside with the most disgusting abortion pictures as possible yelling things at me like, “WE CAN HELP YOU!”  I don’t need your help.  Just because I’m here doesn’t mean I’m getting an abortion, but it is important to me to have the option to get one.  Look how many teen moms there are these days, or moms living in poverty and not being able to take care of their children.  Yes there’s the option of adoption, but not everyone is strong enough for that. Me personally, I couldn’t.  If I’m going through with nine months of pregnancy, I’m raising my own kid.

Some people’s arguments are just really stupid and they obviously have never been in certain situations that others have.  And that’s all I have to say about that.

Small rant about Kim Kardashian and her dumb wedding.

They aren’t having their honeymoon until Summer 2012.  Hello Kris, she’s already putting her career in front of you and you haven’t even been married yet!  She also had to un-invite 50 people from her guest list because the fire marshall found out how many people and cameras were going to be there.

And of course she has to be unique because she’s Kim Kardashian, so she’s making all her guests wear black and white, and she’s going to wear a different color.  She’s making it big so it looks good on t.v.  It’s all about how it looks to the world and gets lots of media coverage.  I know there are more important things to rant about than this, which is why I’m taking a few minutes out of my day to point out how dumb it is. 

I’m done.

Random.

Yesterday I decided to go through the Facebook messages I still had in my inbox.  Some were from 3 and a half years ago and were from all the guys I used to talk to.  Soo weird.  Some of them just re-pissed me off and made me feel happy and relieved that I don’t talk to them anymore.  The only person I felt like I missed was this guy Dan that I had started to become really good friends with, and the way he acted towards me really seemed like he was interested in something else.  So when I decided to put myself out there and be ballsy and ask him if he was interested, he got all weird and pretty much stopped talking to me after that.  He eventually apologized and told me he felt like a really big dick and that he doesn’t even know why he did it.

He didn’t know how to handle the situation so he ran away.  He thought I was a really good friend and missed talken to me.  As happy as I was to hear his apology, our friendship never really got back on track and him and I don’t really talk anymore.  Just a hey what’s up here and there.  I believe friendships between guys and girls always get messed up at some point because someone always ends up falling for the other.

Point of the story—I am so glad to not be trying to date random guys and dealing with all their douchey bullshit.  It just makes me feel grateful to found the guy I did and the good, respectful relationship we’ve made.

Girls & Our body issues…

I always take the time to read a post I come across on my dashboard that is from the “stop hating your body” tumblr, or just from any of those pages that are for girls to voice their insecurities and the reasons why they love their body.  I myself, have been on a long journey of self acceptance and had my fair share of struggles with body image since middle school.  I honestly never had a problem with my body, until around the time I was 13 and my family members started telling me I needed to lose weight, and kids at school would make comments about me being chubby.  I heard about girls calling me fat, and guys never paid much attention to me, unless they were just one of my friends.

I let the comments hit down to my bone and eventually really started hating myself.  I let it cause me to do things that in my mind, made it easier to get through the day, but in the end, I was really just causing harm to myself and I realized it wasn’t doing anything to help me LOVE myself. I am not fully there, and I’m not sure if I ever will be, but with a lot of time and soul searching, I have come to love myself in a way that I never have.  I feel comfortable in my skin in a way that I have always strived for and I can only see it getting better from here.

What made me want to write this was a post I just came across on the “stop hating your body” page and this girl said she has “accepted this is how she is going to look, she just wishes she didn’t have to.” To all the girls that feel that way, you don’t HAVE to accept that your body is going to be a certain way. Your body can look however you want it to, you just have to be willing to actually put in the effort. Fuck that diet stuff, I don’t believe in dieting. All it does is help you lose weight for a little bit, and then as soon as you’re off it, you will gain everything back. Diet pills, throw them out the window. You don’t have to give up your favorite foods, just don’t eat junk for every meal, every day.  Drink juice instead of pop.  I’m telling you, as soon as you cut pop out of your life, you will feel healthier right away.

It’s up to you to be happy. No one is going to help you feel good about being in your body, except you. It is possible to be healthy without thinking you need to hit up the gym and run 3 miles everyday.  Just cutting down on the junk food intake, and having some type of activity for at least 35 mins a day, and you will be a healthier person, and FEEL healthier.  Remember—you don’t have to accept the way your body is if you’re unhappy with it. You do have the power to do something about it, you just have to actually want to, and be willing to put in the effort.

Home.

Well it’s been an interesting weekend to say the least. I had fun though, I really did. I got there around 2:30 on Friday and me and Sarah hung out together for a bit. Then we got together with Ben and smoked and that’s when it pretty much began. We just kind of drank and played games all weekend. I was soo tired last night, but we ended up going out to a house party. House parties are fun, but they’re usually pretty nasty haha. The people in that town also weren’t as open and friendly as the people around here usually are. I still met some cool people though, I’d definitely go back and hangout with them again.

I left pretty early this morning because I couldn’t sleep anymore and I knew Sarah was going to sleep in for awhile. I’m one of those people who hate being awake super early before other people when you stay the night and you end up just laying there bored until they wake up. I also wanted to beat the traffic from everyone else coming home this weekend, so I made it home a little after 12.

I felt like I needed to do something productive since I was drunk the past two days, so I showered and went straight to doing some homework. I have four people’s stories/poems to edit by Tuesday night, so I did half of them and I will do the other two tomorrow. For now, I’m going to bum.

midnight.

I know I haven’t posted much the past couple days, I guess I just haven’t really felt like tumbling…I am very happy tomorrow is Wednesday. Well, technically it is Wednesday now. I work from 12:30-9:30 and then I’m going out with my friends from work. Thursday I work 9-6 and then Friday I’m going to Iowa to see Sarah!!! It was her birthday today, so I went out shopping for her gift. I got her some pretty cute things so I’m excited to give them to her. I just can’t wait to get away for the weekend and see her, talk our faces off and just hang out and party. I’ve felt very stuck here the past couple weeks.

When I come back on Sunday, I only have a couple more days to wait until Danny gets home! We Skyped for two hours tonight and it was amazing. It makes me so happy, yet sad at the same time. After tonight we might not get the opportunity to Skype because more people are coming to the house he’s staying at, so he’s going to have to share a room with his Grandma, which equals less privacy.

Either way, next Wednesday is going to be amazing. I work from 9-6, so I will be extremely anxious all day and I will probably speed to his house.

Ugh, so many things I have on my mind that I am looking forward to right now.

Patience.

Friday.

Well I woke up an hour and a half earlier than I originally planned because my brother needed me to get up at 7 a.m to move my car from behind his in the driveway. It’s really hard for me to fall back asleep once I get woken up in the morning, so I decided to just be up and work some more on my story for my writing workshop. My first draft has to be finished by Tuesday night so I’ve been trying to work on it during my free time as much as possible. I decided to write a story about a girl whose parents get divorced and her father left their family for another woman. I’m not sure why I picked that idea, but it was the one I liked the most out of the other ones that came to me.

I’m not really excited that it’s the weekend. I’m more-so excited that this week is almost over and then I just need to get through next week. Today all I plan on doing is working 10-2, going to the gym, coming home & working on my story. Tomorrow I’m going to my cousin’s wedding shower. That will be fun I guess.

I work on sunday. I am not looking forward to Valentine’s day. Next weekend I’m going to visit my best friend at school in Iowa. I really need that, I miss her like crazy and being her in St. Charles is really just making me feel kind of dead on the inside.

Friday.

Home, finally. It’s only 3 in the afternoon, but it feels like it’s been a longg day. I said my goodbyes to Danny this morning. I told myself I wouldn’t cry, but I couldn’t hold back how sad I felt that I wouldn’t see his face for two and a half weeks and I’m not sure when/if we’ll get to talk on the phone. I had to be at work by 7:30 and we had our meeting from 8-10. Part of me was happy to be at work because it distracted me and it was nice to have something else to focus on. At the same time though, I just really wasn’t feeling up to being there.

I got off a little bit after 1 and then I stopped at Jewel on my way home to redeem a couple scratch off tickets. The lady that helped me at the counter was kind of a bitch and I left feeling pissed off. When I first walked up she was standing on the same side of the counter as me and she goes “What do you need?” and she asked it in a rude tone. First of all, when you see a customer approach the counter, you walk around the counter and ask how you can help them. I told her I wanted to redeem a couple tickets, and she resumes what she was doing as if I didn’t just say what I said, and then after putting away a couple more movies, she walks around the counter to help me.

Then she asks for my I.D. and I said “What?” I’ve never been ID’d for scratch-offs before..and obviously if I’m redeeming them I’ve bought them before, bitch. So I show her, get my $10, and leave. Working in customer service really makes me notice how people treat me when I go into other stores.

I already feel like I’m not sure what to do with myself the rest of the night, haha. For now I’m just going to relax because I’m effing tired.